This weekend I gained amazing new insights, and understanding around giving and receiving, and the effect my giving has on me, is interwoven with how it is received by others.
One of the key principles in the Zohar is that the giver is actually the receiver, and I feel I gained a deeper understanding of this principle.
My simple act of kindness went to women who left me feeling humbled by their appreciation, and I could see how deeply touched they were by my simple act of kindness.
Over the last decade, specifically the last three years, and on the same day, this weekend, my simple acts of kindness toward relatives were expected, and taken for granted with a huge sense of entitlement. These experiences have left me feeling violated.
My giving comes from a place of sincerity. It is who I am. I give freely, expecting nothing in return. I give lovingly. My two different interactions on Saturday left me with aftershocks that changed the tapestry of my life. It changed how I see my life, and my experiences.
I have a new perspective on what healthy giving and receiving looks like. I can now see the toxicity of giving to the entitled, expectant ones, who can never be satisfied, for whom what you offer is never good enough or enough.
How blessed I feel on a deep level for the revelation I received because of the interaction with the women who received my small act of kindness with gratitude. Not words of gratitude that are empty manipulations. No, true soul level gratitude and acknowledgement.
After all the kindness I have shown my father, all I see in his eyes is criticism, fault finding, and resentment, because what I have to offer is not good enough.
My insight on how my kindness is received, and that it can make me feel violated or appreciated, taught me that our generosity should not be wasted on the needy and greedy who refuse to help themselves.
This gift I received far outweighs my small act of kindness. I experienced the Zoharβs teaching that the giver is the receiver.
We need to be discerning with our giving, because this is tied to our worth. One act of kindness made me feel worthless and not good enough. The other left me awed.
May reading this bring a new awareness to you around giving and receiving.
LK